Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chronotype etequitte and my island

I am frustrated by how no one has good manners. I have Delayed Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder Which Is A Real Disease (DCRSDWIARD), so I often go to bed at four and wake up at noon. If someone calls at 10 AM, I am a little irritated. I would never call someone at 10 PM unless they're a college student. Everyone I know is awake in the window from noon until 8 PM, so we should agree that that's when it's okay to make phone calls. (Of course, some people get up before The Window and some people stay up after it, but everyone's awake for The Window.) Church shouldn't start until 2 PM on Sundays, because I'm often up late on Saturday nights. Everyone's awake at 2 PM on Sunday, so why can't we have church meeting then?
From Historic Corolla

I am going to move to an island where all the rules will make sense.

I don't understand how everyone else carries all their stuff around, wallet, keys, a pen, pencil, notepad, cellphone, iPod, headphones, Rubik's Cube, Silly Putty, tissues, chapstick, spare change, breathmints, and yo-yo, without wearing cargo pants.

My island will be in the South Seas and it will be warm and sunny so I won't wear pants, I'll wear a cargo loincloth. It will be like a toolbelt plus a loincloth. You can have one, too. No one will call you before noon or after 8 PM, unless you want them to.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Eating fruit

It is good to eat fruit. It makes me happy to eat fruit, especially blueberries and honeydew and bananas. Whenever I eat blueberries, I thank God for making them, even on the days I think he's not real.

I never eat so much fruit that it's sinful. The real sin is in not eating nearly enough fruit, leaving it go bad sitting on the counter.

No one argues about how much fruit we should eat or when we should eat it or what kinds we should eat. We all know that we're not eating enough fruit and we should eat more, and that we should go to the Asian grocery store and buy weird fruit like pomegranates and kumquats and persimmons.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Follow-up on fire #2: official report

I just called the Baltimore City Fire Marshall and asked about the cause of the recent fire on my block (see also follow-up #1). I was told that the fire was caused by trash and rubbish in a back room (from my observation, probably on the third floor); the report speculated that the fire was connected to homeless people or drug users.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Denny's is ethnic now?

I was trying to find hip, ethnic restaurants near College Park. This is what happened.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Dan and complementarianism and taking the Bible seriously

One time, back when I was a complementarian, Dan gave a talk about gender roles in the church. I grew up in the PCA, a conservative Presbyterian denomination that split off of the PCUS, the mainline denomination, over the issue of whether women can be elders. In my church growing up, this issue—keeping women from being elders—was a shibboleth to determine if someone takes the Bible seriously.

I was telling Mom about this talk later. What she and I found surprising was that, as Dan was talking about how it's great for women to be leaders in the church, he didn't disrespect the scriptures. Instead, he pulled up the scriptures that had traditionally been used to explain why women should have restricted leadership roles, and showed how they actually would have been taken as feminist statements in the cultures these scriptures were addressed to.

Dan loves the Bible. I was used to thinking of liberals as people who pick and choose the parts of the Bible that they want to use and conservatives as people who submit themselves to the whole Bible. Dan seemed like a liberal to me, but a different kind of liberal than I thought there could be.

UrbanCause: Restaurants at Hollins Market

Candice provides reviews to excellent restaurants in our neighborhood: UrbanCause: Restaurants at Hollins Market

Seconded, on all counts. Baltimore Pho also has some pretty good tofu curry stuff. Zella's pizza Margherita is delicious; I had some the day I moved into this neighborhood.

The Sweet Tooth Dessert Shop has only been around for a month, so things are still getting going. They have coffee for $2, and they gave me free refills. It was regular drip coffee, they don't do fancy espresso drinks. I had some cherry cheesecake, also, and it was delicious. The Sweet Tooth is exactly the sort of local business that isn't as good as one of the chains (yet) but that I'm enthusiastic about supporting, because it has so much chutzpah and character and potential. I sat there last Tuesday afternoon and worked on my research, and watched little kids eat sorbet and play Halo III and I was very happy. The ambiance is positively classy.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Getting lost

Abstract
I got crazy lost today, and have been thinking about why that was. What causes me to get lost? What happens to make me get more lost? What is the best way to get unlost? I discover that people suck at plotting routes. Existential ramifications are considered, including the sage teachings of my karate instructor at community college.

Introduction
I got crazy lost today, going from Arlington to College Park by way of the George Washington Memorial Parkway. I have make this trip every other week since the end of January, so you'd think that I'd have it figured out by now. Not quite. Here's my actual route, or, as close of an approximation of it as I can reckon.

View Larger Map

I feel like Little Billy in the Family Circus. This trip was like a tarbaby; the worse things got, the worser they got.




Table 1: Route Comparison
RouteTime (min)
Google Maps 'Optimum' route33
I-66 to I-49539
George Washington Parkway45
Today's route (actual)110
Today's route (calculated)86

Table 1 shows the routes I normally take and their associated drive times, and contrasts them with the drive time I needed today. The Google Maps predicted time is ridiculous—there's no way that I could drive across Washington, DC in mid-day with that little traffic. I take the G-Dub, because, although it takes longer than the I-66 route, it's much prettier. It was raining today, and people drive stupid slow in the rain, and there was very bad traffic; this only partly explains the 24 minute difference between the actual and calculated time. The remainder of the difference is time spent stopped, trying to Google SMS directions or pumping gas. In total, this trip took more than twice as long as usual. Why?

Methods

I calculated the amount of time that each mistake that I made cost me by removing each mistake, one by one, from the map. This means that results given have an uncertainty of one minute, because Google Maps does not estimate drive times to a finer level of precision; this uncertainty is cumulative with that implicit in Google maps drive time calculations.



Table 2: Itemized cost of each mistake in minutes
MistakeTime (min)
Getting lost on the G-Dub5

River Road meandering total 14
Taking crazy left turn5
Going 3 miles9

Getting gas total14
Driving to gas station11
Went wrong way on 2953

University Boulevard total15
Missing the turn to Metzerott2
Not staying on University Boulevard3
Taking University Boulevard instead of Adelphi4
Taking Adelphi instead of Rt 16

Table 2 indicates the relative cost of each bad decision I made. Items in bold are the major bad decisions; in most cases, these bad decisions are broken down into smaller bad choices along the way.

Discussion

I panicked. I mean, I wasn't hyperventilating or anything, but whenever things get tense, people, in general, make worse and worse decisions. I get lost getting onto the G-Dub, that's normal. I was low on gas, though, it was raining, and I was running a couple of minutes late for class.

At the start of the diversion at River Road, after having gone a few blocks, and not seeing any gas stations, I stopped, and tried to use Google SMS to get directions to a gas station; I've used it before. It found a gas station that Google claimed was nearby, but it didn't give me directions to it, it got confused. (I still don't know what the problem was there.) Anyway, instead of trying to get better directions, giving it the address of a nearby landmark, or turning around, and heading back the other way across the beltway, I made a crazy left turn, and then another.

This shows the power of using spreadsheets to track the minutiae of life. When I get lost, I normally sally forth, trying to find the quickest way to get back on the route, without wasting time backtracking. It appeared to me that that was a bad habit. However, that only cost me 3 minutes. What was very stupid was going three miles down River Road with no gas station in sight. I should have gone a block or two, then turned around if I didn't see one; it's normally harder to find a gas station farther from the exit. I would have learned the wrong lesson from this experience if I didn't go back and check a map and make a chart.

(In this case, it appears that I was spectacularly unlucky. At the point at which I'd made the crazy left turn, I was one mile away from gas stations in three directions. Had I gone right or straight at the first turn, or right, instead of left, at the next, I would have found a gas station, easily. I didn't know that, though.)

Another thing that confused me was the I-270 spur; until today, I didn't know that it existed. The gas station I found was in the middle of the triangle formed by I-270, the spur, and I-495. When I left the gas station, I was disoriented, and wound up going the wrong way on I-495. I would have needed knowledge of the area, or a map, to have avoided this wrong turn.

The dumbest mistake I made, though, was taking University Boulevard. This got me off of I-495 way too soon, so I was driving on slower roads and had to stop for traffic lights. Even if I had followed that route perfectly, this 'shortcut' would have had cost me 10 minutes more than usual.

The number one predictor for whether someone survives a plane crash, is if they read the safety card and listen to the safety talk at the start of the flight. (Having read it before that flight doesn't help.) The second predictor is military experience. 'Oh, I'm on fire, no big deal, I'm going to go to the exit.' I wouldn't have turned onto University Boulevard any other day, but I was so upset from running late that I tried one more thing different, and got myself even more delayed.


Conclusion

Lessons learned:

  • Check the gas gage at the start of each trip; I could have stopped for gas easily before leaving Arlington
  • Arlington needs better signage for getting onto the George Washington Parkway
  • When looking for a gas station, stop the car, and use Google SMS properly and carefully to get good results
  • Don't panic
  • Get a map and compass
  • Plot out optimum routes ahead of time; it's a lot quicker to compare routes on Google maps than it is while driving
  • Getting lost is actually pretty fun, and more educational than the class I missed
A lot of the problem was that I didn't realize what direction the roads in that area actually go until I studied a map carefully.

Google Maps is such a handy tool for figuring out the best way to get some place. I just plotted a few ways to get to my parents' house; the normal way I go takes seven minutes longer than taking I-895—I'll have to try that sometime. Not only that, but my parents often recommend taking back roads to get to their house, to avoid traffic. The thing is, these back roads take such a circuitous route that the route they often suggest takes six minutes longer than taking I-95. (The back roads are far more scenic, though.)

Human intuition for route plotting is normally pretty bad. It's terrible if we're not looking at a map. Even with a map, it's tough to objectively gage traffic and compensate for stoplights and varying speed limits. People, dads especially, are prone to swearing by weird routes. I think that this is because it makes people feel special to have discovered a secret shortcut, and they don't check to see how effective that shortcut actually is.

It is worthwhile to check Google Maps for the best route to places you go to regularly. It can save you a lot of time.

This isn't the most lost I've gotten. Sure, heading down River Road hoping I'd find a gas station was a stab in the dark, but building my life around belief in God was even more dangerous and risky, and potentially wasteful, because I was basing life decisions on less experience than I had with gas stations. I often find gas stations on highway exits. I haven't found God yet.

I've spent years of my life on dead-end relationships, trying to please people that I don't even know anymore. I've spent more than a third of my life in college, studying mechanical engineering, and I don't think that was necessarily a bad decision, but I think I would be happier if I were to have studied philosophy.

When I was in community college, I took a karate class as one of my gym electives. Master John Burdyck was our teacher; he normally taught karate at his own dojo out on Pulaski Highway. He had gone to law school, passed the bar, then realized that what he actually loved was martial arts; he hated law. He gave up on law altogether to teach karate, boxing, and kickboxing. Every few class sessions, he'd talk about how much he hated law and how he was only studying it because his parents told him to. He was clearly very happy teaching karate. It was hard work, he clearly worked long hours, but it was the hard work he wanted to do.

I just checked his webpage. His address isn't listed on Pulaski Highway in Maryland anymore; he gives one address for Florida, and another for Hollywood, California.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Thank you for making my life more interesting

Right now, go to the Quick Hitts Podcast, and listen to Please Bring Me a Flaming Phonebook, #37. Let's celebrate the strangeness of our lives.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Eddie's picture in my cubicle

Around the year 2050, there will probably be about 42 billion people in the world. We'll have robots that can make other robots and fix other robots and dig metal out of the ground. We probably won't have construction workers or ditch diggers, we might not have plumbers or auto mechanics.

Everyone who doesn't have robots will probably be a farmer and might not have running water. The certainly won't have iPods.

The people who have robots will either be doing very technical or creative work that the robots can't do (yet). I'm afraid that only the smartest or most artistic people will matter.

I wonder if my brother, Eddie, will have a robot. He's a nice kid, but, honestly, I don't think he's about to become a doctor or an engineer.

Eddie has a few ideas about what he might want to do when he grows up; my favorite of these is his opening and operating a sandwich shop. He'd invent sandwiches that people wouldn't think to try, but that they'd find that they like. Eddie would know the regulars and they'd be happier people because they'd see Eddie everyday.

If Eddie were to be an adult right now, this would be a great job. In 2050, though, maybe robots would be so much better at making sandwiches than Eddie that he'd be out of a job.

Will the people with robots be good enough to share with Eddie?

There are two kinds of cultural stuff. There's the stuff so good or new that strangers would care about it, and there's the stuff that is good because you made it and your family loves you. I'm used to thinking of the former stuff as better, and I think that's an unhealthy attitude.

I have a picture in my cubicle that Eddie drew. I think he made it when I was home watching him during a family emergency. Every time I look at the picture, I smile. My life wouldn't be as good as it is if Eddie hadn't made that picture for me. Thanks, Eddie!

Follow-up on fire: wild guess at cause?

Matthew showed me this flyer that had been jammed between our door knob and jamb.

Fire at 216 South Stricker Street


As I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, I saw flashing red lights and heard sirens. This is not unusual for me; I live three doors down from busy Pratt Street, and I often wake up in the middle of the night to sirens. Except, this time, they weren't going away.

I hopped out of bed, grabbed my phone and keys and a cardigan, popped on some flip-flops, and bolted out the door. I thought the fire was on Carey, a couple of blocks away, and I would have an interesting opportunity for some citizen journalism.

As I opened the door, I was hit with the smell of smoke: 216 South Stricker Street, a boarded up house across the street from mine, was on fire.

I talked with my next-door neighbors‚—'Which house is it? What's happening? What caused the fire?' They pointed out the house, but didn't know why the fire was started. I still don't know.

I ran upstairs to wake Matthew—he slept right through the noise. He didn't come down to watch the fire—he said he had to sleep.

I went back out the door. I met Angel, a neighbor from around the corner. She had come to check on her mom, who lives on my block. She shared a cigarette with Rudy, another neighbor I'd not met before.

The firemen had to cut down the front door with an electric saw because there wasn't a proper door—this was an abandoned, boarded-up house.

'Crazy shit' was a line that I heard a lot.

When I introduced myself to Rudy, he said that I sounded Irish.

I try not to sound like a PhD student to my neighbors. I try not to walk around the neighborhood wearing polo shirts, because my neighbors mostly wear T-shirts, and I want to blend in. I normally annunciate carefully, but when I talk with my neighbors, I try to mumble more and I guess I sound funny. Irish, though?

I mentioned to Rudy that I know a man who lives in abandoned houses. I hope that this man I know isn't the one who started the fire. I hope he's okay. Rudy suggested that the fire had been started by someone using candles to get some light and heat. Rudy was angry that someone would do something like that, lighting candles without proper candle holders, because that's how fires get started—it's irresponsible.

I told Rudy that I'm not Irish, I'm from the burbs. 'The burbs?' he said, 'We've got burbs right near here.'

'I'm from Bel Air, the burbs burbs. If my parents' house were to burn down, then it would just burn down. Here, if a house catches fire, it can send a whole block up in flames.'

There were eight fire trucks there by the time the fire was put out. Only one hose truck and one ladder truck actually did anything. The firemen got out a stepladder and broke the windows on the third floor. Smoke came billowing out.

I find the Internet terribly stressful.

When I was thinking about moving into this neighborhood, I was taking a walkabout, and one of my neighbors-to-be called out to me. 'Hey, you!' I didn't pay any attention—why would a stranger talk to me? It turned out this guy, Jimmy, wanted to show me how he'd opened up his garbage can, and saw a rat twitch at the bottom. He had been startled. It turned out the rat was dead, and had twitched because of how Jimmy had shaken the can as it opened. That dead rat immediately made my life more interesting, and I'm glad that Jimmy stopped me.

On the Internet, there's oodles of dead rats. The only dead rats that matter are the ones that are the most dead or the most ratty or the ones with the most witty captions written in big block letters with drop shadows.

I think a lot about whether I'm reading the blogs that are the funniest or most interesting or most edgy or most entertaining. I always have dozens of tabs open in Firefox, and I'm always switching between them. It's rare that I'll just sit down and read an article all the way through. I have thousands of unread posts in Google Reader.

When I read my friends' favorite links on Delicious, I don't pay attention to who sent me which link.

I don't care if a blogger lives next door to me or in South Africa, I care if what they say interests me. In cities, stuff matters because it's close to you. I had spent fifteen minutes, earlier this evening, talking with my next-door neighbor, Darryl, about a puddle.

On the Internet, stuff only matters if it's interesting, if it stands on its own two feet. This is why I'm diligent about defriending people on Facebook who aren't either interesting acquaintances or real friends. I don't want to read 25 things about someone I don't really know who isn't witty.

As the fire died down, people scattered. The only ones left on my block were me and two men with beards, smoking cigars. One of them had a hat that said, 'Take the edge off'; the back of his red jacket said something about the NRA pistol team. Another man walked up, they gave him a light; he walked on. One of the cigar smokers dropped the remnants of his cigar into the puddle that bothers Darryl and me so much.

I think a lot about how it takes a long time to read books, so I should take my time to pick the best books to read.

Today, I was stressed out, so I went to the McKeldin Library at College Park, where I'm taking classes this semester, to find a better translation of Thus Spoke Zarathustra—I had read that the translation that I have (by Thomas Common) butchers the language. I couldn't find a good copy. I wandered around the campus and I accidentally found a farm. I stopped and watched the sheep and pigs, and I took pictures. It was good for me.

It's stressful finding the most interesting stuff. I can spend hours on the Internet, because I think the next thing to pop up will be more interesting than the thing before. It never is.

It didn't matter that I wasn't looking at the most interesting pigs—any pigs are interesting if you've not seen a pig in months that wasn't in bacon form.

If I write because I like the act of writing, I can write whatever I want. If I want to get published, though, I need a voice. I need to say something new. I need to say something shocking. This is true of my research work and of the books I want to write—if I'm not novel, if someone else has scooped me, I don't matter.

So, Darryl and I had been talking earlier this evening, a couple of hours before the fire. Our street doesn't drain properly, so there's a puddle in front of the house on the corner. The water is stinky and draws rats. Darryl periodically tries to sweep the water down Pratt Street. I told him I'd call the city—it's their responsibility to make sure the street drains properly.

Darryl and I also talked about how people leave litter on the street and how that draws rats. There are a lot of boarded-up houses on our block, and a few houses being flipped. The housing market is bad, so these remodeled houses are just sitting there, not being properly monitored—one of the houses being flipped has been broken into, and the owner isn't doing anything about it. I used to not care much about boarded up houses, and I'm not looking for the most boarded-up house on the Internet, but the four boarded-up houses across the street affect me, especially when one of them catches fire.

With water draining from the hose truck, the puddle was bigger than it had been since the snow melted. Sorry, Darryl. I'll call the city in the morning.

After all my neighbors left and the firemen had packed their hoses away, the firemen stood in a circle, telling stories. They were in the middle of the street, and I was on the sidewalk, and I knew I couldn't just walk up and listen. Still, I overheard one of them say something like, 'Did you see that woman around the corner go like...'

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Obama, squirrels, coffee cans


Super Barack Obama at Vertigo Books

Today, Cammy and I were hanging out at Vertigo Books, which is the NPR of bookstores. I pointed at Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, and said that I'd like to write books sort of like that, that are about patterns, rather than things.

My adviser, Dr Eggleton, did simulations of red blood cell physics when he was a post-doc. Really, these were simulations of an elastic membrane under some imposed flow, he just used numbers for a red blood cell. He met a researcher who was working on white blood cell physics, and, later, emailed this researcher, telling him about his work. This other researcher emailed back, 'You study RED blood cells. I study WHITE blood cells.'

When Dr Eggleton told me this, I thought this was funny, because I use the same program Dr Eggleton used, and I just change a couple of numbers to change whether I'm simulating red or white blood cells.

I told Cammy about how I'd heard a bit on NPR about a scientist who studies how fish school, people crowd, and locusts swarm, and how one pattern talks about all of this. I don't want to study squirrels, I want to study how squirrels hide nuts and how people put money in a coffee can and bury it in the backyard, and can't remember where they put it, and won't go digging, because they also buried a deceased pet squirrel somewhere in the backyard.

And Cammy told me about how her sister, Holly, and Holly's friend, Ashley, made a time capsule, and buried it in Ashley's back yard. Now, they can't remember where they buried it, and aren't going to go digging, because Ashley's deceased cat is also buried in the back yard, but Ashley can't recall where, exactly.

Seen in the UMBC library, 3rd floor


ASHRAE (The American Society of Heating, Refrigeration, and Air-Conditioner Engineers), provides guidelines on transporting and storing candy.


One of these books amuses me more than it should.

Camo


I was stopped behind this truck at a red light, going north on Rt 1 in the HarCo. Yes, Virginia, those mud flaps, brake light covers, and license plate frame are camouflage. This helps the truck sneak up on deer and bad guys.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Palm Centro, Google Mobile Search, Panera


I had a mondo sucky project this weekend, so after I left class yesterday, I was Jonesin' for some Panera goodness. I Google Maps'd the nearest Panera* on my MacBook. I saw one Panera truck as I approached, and thought, 'Great! This is the right place.'. Then, I saw a lot more Panera trucks—it wasn't a Panera, it was a Panera distribution center.

I wandered toward home, taking Rt 1 north into Laurel. I popped in at a thrift store, where I found some books for Dollar Book Blog. I got the address, then used Google SMS on my shiny new Palm Centro to find the nearest Panera and get directions to it.

I recommend the new tomato mozzarella panini.

*I would like it if there was a feature for Google Maps where I could say, 'I'm going from Point A to Point B—what's the Panera or Trader Joe's or Circuit City that's closest to that route?'.

Really Works!

I recently was at Five Below, and I was looking at the 'novelty items', and saw a Poker keychain. I apologize that this picture is blurry—I was snapping surreptitiously. Believe me, though, in red letters, on the keychain itself, it asserts that it 'Really works!'. This reminds me of the time I was playing Paranoia with Andrew Sillers GMing, and my character needed some tape, so he wound up with some 'Mostly work!' branded tape.


Looking down the rack, I also found me some Yes-5 that also 'Really works!'.


After my foray at Cinco Less Than, I went to Toys R Us, and was delighted to find a Rubik's mini cube

(It 'really works'.)

Also of note: this picture, itself, is so blurry as to be useless to you. It jogged my memory enough, though, for me to be able to tell you about it. It's a sign for a hearing aid repair shop. The red circle trumpets, 'Most brands!'.

Whose pants?

Today, at a thrift store, a mom was about to purchase a pair of pants for her son, then asked, 'Are these for a boy or a girl?'. I replied, 'If you can't tell the difference, neither can he.'

Monday, April 6, 2009

Abandoned salad


I met Greg and Andrew in the Commons. This salad was sitting on their table. I asked them whose it was. They didn't know.