Sunday, October 11, 2009


The hardest thing about a hypomanic episode is the time after it.

It's tough enough to have grandiose delusions, thinking things like, "I'm the best scientist in the world." Except, I can actually feel like that if I'm pulling all-nighters and writing crazy code and impressing my advisor. Sometimes, I do really great work when hypomanic, but enough of the stuff I make when hypomanic is either crap or so pathologically egotistical that it's useless; on the whole, I don't think that hypomanic episodes are worth it.

What's tougher is the time after the hypomanic episode. It's a huge let-down. When I'm hypomanic, I come up with all sorts of crazy plans, ideas for great books, how to do awesome science, how to get more Twitter followers.

I'm a meticulously organized person. I have two baskets of unfolded laundry in my room, sitting on top of a disgustingly sweat-stained pillow and dirty sheets that I never intend to use again. I normally have a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. However, when it comes to information and ideas, I track everything. Right now, I'm reviewing my 100+ projects that I have in my system. It's sad for me to see some of the projects that are really, "How can I pump up my ego?" It's satisfying and freeing, though, to delete them.

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