Adjusting to Lexapro

It turns out that adjustment to psych meds isn't as easy as you'd think. Paradoxically, Lexapro (and all SSRI's) can actually aggravate depression and anxiety, at least while the body is getting used to them. The last three days, I've had this happen to me. Not only that, but I've been feeling unusually drowsy.

Wednesday was a weird day for me. I was falling-asleep-tired at 5 PM, even though I'd had plenty of sleep the night before, and a normal amount of caffeine (24 oz. iced coffee, about 300 mg of caffeine, by my estimate). So, in the 6 PM hour, I drank a can of Red Thunder (similar to Red Bull). I went from being anxious, depressed, drowsy, and inattentive to hyper, twitchy, fidgety, and alert by 8 PM. I had trouble not smiling too much and too awkwardly, it was a bad smile, not a good one. I felt insincere. Then, I fell asleep at eleven PM. This is very strange for me, I normally have trouble getting to bed on time at midnight.

I feel spaced out. I have ADD, but, now, with Lexapro, I'm having particularly bad problems with keeping my attention on my work. I have trouble putting words together, especially when writing, but even when talking.

My jaws are sore, I keep catching myself with my jaws clenched tight.

I keep getting songs or even just words stuck in my head, especially when I'm feeling the effects of the meds most intensely in other ways. This happened to me before during periods of very bad anxiety in the past. A couple of years ago, I got the phrase 'A passel of mail' stuck in my head, it was a quote from an email from my mom.

I'm on Lexapro

I've had problems with anxiety intermittently since 2005 around the time I started grad school. I think this is partly a coincidence, but stress can be a trigger for onset of anxiety conditions. Since then, I've learned to manage anxiety pretty well and I'm feel anxious far less often than I did before. Even so, there are a couple of days a month when I feel anxious about everything in my life, or anxious about nothing, or anxious about what God thinks about me or anxious global poverty. That my anxiety is so nonspecific makes me think that I don't need to make many major life changes at this point; I take plenty of time to rest, I love my job, I'm in a healthy community, I have good relationships with my family. So, on Friday, I started taking Lexapro (Escitalopram). I hope that helps. Anxiety can be great when I have something to be anxious about, but I don't want to feel anxiety for no good reason.

I am entertained by the list of possible side effects. I'll let you know which affect me. Here's an excerpt, the best side effects:

• Bizarre behavior
• Black or bloody stools
• Confusion
• Decreased concentration
• Decreased coordination
• Fainting
• Fast or irregular heartbeat (More stimulants!)
• Hallucinations
• Menstrual period changes
• New or worsening agitation, panic attacks, aggressiveness, impulsiveness, irritability, hostility, exaggerated feeling of well-being, restlessness, or inability to sit still
• Persistent, painful erection
• Tremor
• Unusual bruising or bleeding

Circulant matrices

Circulant matrices are freakin' awesome.

Numerical analysts like me like to use matrix multiplications to take derivatives. When we solve differential equations (especially partial differential equations) we have to invert these matrices. The thing that makes my job suck, as a numerical analyst, is that I often have to invert huge matrices; in my code, if I were to do this directly, I'd have to invert a 32768x32768 matrix for the most computationally inexpensive case. Some models require inverting matrices of tens of millions of elements. This would take forever to do!

The matrix that represents differentiation for uniform periodic domains is a circulant matrix. (Circulant matrices are evidently a type of Toeplitz matrix.) Multiplying a circulant matrix by a vector is like taking the convolution of the first row of the matrix with that vector. It just so happens that F(u*v)=F(u)F(v), where F is the discrete Fourier transform, u and v are vectors of equal length, and * is the convolution operator. The Fourier representation of a single row of my difference matrix is easy to find analytically.

This gives me solutions to Navier-Stokes equation in O(n log n) time instead of O(N^3) time (Gaussian elimination) or O(N^2) time (oodles of basic iterative solvers).

Furtle

Scientists have invented a new animal: the furtle.

Uploaded with plasq's Skitch!

Furtles are a cross-breed between mammals and turtles. They combine the pleasantness of a turtle with the furriness of a furry mammal (whales don't count). Furtles are furrier than chinchillas or Kevin Jonas. They are not gross like rats or little sisters. They can be taught tricks, like 'roll over', 'retract into shell' and 'sing aria'. They are very smart, so they are easy to take care of; they clean their cages themselves. They like to eat tomatoes. Furtles do not have lips. Furtles are the best type of pet.

Catonsville Engine and Transmission

Allow me to recommend Catonsville Engine and Transmission, at the intersection of Edmondson Avenue and Harlem Avenue in Catonsville, run by Rose and Matt, a wonderful married couple. They're a remarkably good mechanic, they understand that it's better to treat a customer well and have their happy business for years than to be shady to get a quick buck.

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One time, by mistake, I was triple-billed for an oil change. (I was there when the mistake took place; the person who normally works the register wasn't there, and the machine was clearly not working correctly.) Even so, a month later, when I brought the problem up as I was going in for a major repair, they took a hundred dollars off of my bill instead of just the forty-five dollars I was owed.

Another time, my gear shifter wasn't working quite properly. Matt told me I could either have the problem fixed perfectly for one price, or I could have a jury rig that was still perfectly safe, just less pretty, for one third the cost. I went for the proper repair, but I'm glad to know that I'm not going to wander into their shop only to have them invent three more problems to get a bigger bill.

Whenever I bring my car in with a problem, they take the time to show me what parts need replacing and to explain how they work.

They sometimes give discounts to students and regular customers. They're on the UMBC Shuttle Catonsville line, so they're very accessible for UMBC students.

I have friends, a married couple, who take their cars to Catonsville Engine and Trans as well. They've been given complimentary towing. They thought that Rose just managed the books, until she rebuilt the transmission on one of their cars.

When my roommate drove me to Catonsville Engine and Trans, I was telling him about how much I favor them. When we actually got there, he was surprised, because the place looks run down, the parking lot is crowded and poorly paved, the garage is an old warehouse. I'd forgotten how off-putting the appearance is, because the quality of service is so good.

I'm not generally in favor of keeping mom-and-pop businesses in business. Yes, Barnes and Noble has less character than a local bookstore, but I am more likely to find what I'm looking for there. Aside from restaurants and coffee shops, Catonsville Engine and Trans is the only local business that I would miss if they were put out of business by a chain.

You can call them at 410-744-4822.

I'm already post-post emergent

Evidently, there's some sort of post-emergent church movement happening. I don't know why, nor can I bring myself to care. Given that I can't explain what the emergent church is to a stranger over the course of an elevator ride, I'm not entirely sure it's a real thing. I'm not into eschewing labels, though, I have called myself emergent for ages and still do.

Tony Jones, whoever he is, did some manner of a post-emergent roundup on Beliefnet. I count ten references to God or a member of the Godhead, and twelve egregious typos, and that's not counting the failures to capitalize by those who possess a conviction that capitalization is imperialist.

Kevin Jonas' beard

Kevin Jonas has a beard now. It is a real beard, not one that someone drew on.

He's pretty fuzzy, like a chinchilla. In fact, you can't tell the difference between Kevin Jonas and a chinchilla, except Kevin Jonas' tail falls off if he gets scared.