Thursday, August 19, 2010

Three times a day

Three times a day, on average, I remember that I have bipolar disorder and that I'm getting treatment and that my life is so much better, happier, more pleasant, than it was before I got treatment.

Just now, I was going through some files on my computer, and found "Tea Optimization.numbers", a spreadsheet I used to track how long and at what temperature tea ought to be brewed at. I'm a fastidious person, and always have been, and I do think it's important to brew good tea. I brew loose tea, and I use a timer to make sure I don't stew it. When I saw the spreadsheet file, though, I felt a little silly.

I had distrust in the idea that boiling water should be used to brew tea. This was something that I liked to talk about at parties, I would talk about how the tannins were released if you brewed the tea at above 180 Fahrenheit. (I don't actually know what tannins are.) So, I was brewing my tea very meticulously, measuring time and temperature, trying to get it perfect. I made a spreadsheet to record how I brewed tea because I didn't trust anyone else to have properly experimented with brewing tea.

Before I started treatment, I felt guilty and anxious a lot of the time, even if nothing was wrong. I feel at ease now, not all the time, but most of the time, enough that normal feels normal. I'm not filled with distrust anymore about ultimate truth or tea.

So, that was one of my three or so things for today that remind me that life is better now.

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